You Left
by random sass
Summary: Sam comes back to Seattle to get the rest of her things when she runs into Freddie resulting in hidden confessions on both sides finally come out into the open. One-shot. Rated T.


**Author's Note: **I've been lacking in the inspiration lately so I started to follow writeworld on tumblr. The sentence block "You Left" showed up on my dash and I don't know . . . something about these two words consumed me and here is the result. Enjoy loves.

**Disclaimer**: iCarly, Sam & Cat and their characters are owned by Dan Schneider.

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Sam opened the door to the hallway and came unexpectedly face-to-face with Freddie Benson, standing in front of his apartment with his backpack slung casually over his shoulder. Their eyes locked on to each other and she had lost her ability to breathe. A look of shock registered on his face like he had encountered a ghost, he dropped his backpack to the floor with a thud, his arms hung limply at his sides as if his entire body had gone slack. Neither of them knew how much time had passed just standing there trying to process each other's surprise presence.

"You left," he said breaking the massive silence between them, his voice somewhere between a whisper and a breath, carrying a stomach-twisting, vomit-inducing amount of hurt, anger, sadness, and confusion.

She dropped her gaze and considered slamming the door in his face. There were many other ways out of the Shay loft and she knew them all. Sam had just come back to Seattle for the day, to pack up some of the things she left at her mom's. She made the mistake of wanting to see Spencer since he at least pretended to understand when she finally told him why she had to go away. She wanted to surprise him using the key Carly gave her the night she left for Italy but he wasn't home. She had spent too long exploring the apartment, Carly's bedroom and the web studio which were eerily untouched like someone had died. The whole experience left her feeling emotionally raw.

Sam stepped into the hallway and pulled the door closed behind her. As much as she wanted to believe she could avoid him forever inside she knew this confrontation was inevitable. It was time to get it over with and then she would be back in LA living her Freddie Benson free life.

She watched as a flush of red rose up from his shirt collar turning his neck and face pink. His expression of shock contorted in to one of indignation. "You have some nerve, Puckett, thinking you could just sneak in and out of Seattle without talking to me! How _dare_ you." His voice was stronger now.

"Welp, here I am," she challenged, her tone was cold and nonchalant. "Say what you gotta to say, I have places to go." Sam did not break eye contact as she adjusted the duffle bag on her shoulder then folded her arms across her chest.

"I cannot believe you!" He yelled. "Spencer and I were worried sick. I can't even tell you how many hours I spent looking for you, calling your phone, sending you texts and emails. There was a period of time when I thought you were dead, laying in a gutter somewhere! We were this close to calling the cops and reporting you missing!" Freddie was gesturing wildly, his face now an angry shade of red; she watched the vein bulging in his neck as he spoke to keep herself from reacting. "If it wasn't for Carly, there would have been a countrywide manhunt for you."

And there was her name, Carly. Sam felt her blood beginning to simmer, but took a deep breath to keep herself calm and her careless front intact.

"It hurt Sam, it hurt so fucking much that I still can't get over it!" He pounded his fist against his chest. She felt herself recoil. She had never heard Freddie act or speak with this kind of anger.

"How could you just abandon me here? I was always there for you; we could have leaned on each other to get through this! I thought. . . I thought you were my best friend." Suddenly Freddie's hands were gripping her arms pulling her to him, his short fingernails digging painfully into her skin. Those brown eyes that used to hold so much warmth and sweetness were wide and crazed. For the first time in her life she wished that Mrs. Benson would interrupt them. "I loved you Sam," he thundered, shaking her slightly as he spoke. "Didn't that mean anything to you?" His tone measured this time; his eyes were searching hers frantically.

It took her a moment to process the words that had come out of Freddie's mouth. Her mind was preoccupied by the weird feeling of warmth that was radiating through her body from his touch, from how close his face was to hers. She hated herself for wanting to raise up on her toes just enough so that their lips met, for hoping that maybe a kiss would solve all their problems and change everything between them. All those months of progress, getting over Freddie, telling herself she was better off without him, had crumbled the second she was in his arms.

Her brain had finally caught up to Freddie's speech but stopped at the word "loved". He said "loved" as in _past tense_. Sam was no grammar expert but she knew that it meant that he _used_ to love her, as in not anymore. _Maybe not ever_, a small voice said inside of her. It hurt but it was what she needed to hear to remember why she left her life in Seattle behind.

"Love did mean something . . ." She started, struggling to talk through lump that had grown in her throat. "Before you started to treat me like I was nothing, before your crush on Carly rematerialized out of thin air, before you kissed her the night she left." She watched as the color drained and his expression dropped from his face. He loosened the grip on her arms so she took the opportunity to push him away from her.

"Oh! You thought I didn't know about that didn't you?" She spat feeling her strength and sass returning in full force. "You two probably had some agreement to not tell me huh?" His silence and adverted gaze confirmed her theory. "You know Carly, she can't keep a secret to save her life!"

Something about that last sentence made her feel strangely nostalgic; like they had stepped back in time to one of their arguments about meaningless high school bullshit. Back when things were easy between her and Freddie, back when they had boundaries and knew their place. Before they dated, before things between them had gotten so impossibly complicated.

"Love-" She swallowed, second guessing on whether or not she was going to say this. "Love stopped meaning something when you stopped being the guy I fell in love with." Her voice was strong but quiet. "He disappeared, so I did too."

She found herself wanting to tell him she was sorry, because as much as she didn't want to admit it, Freddie was first and foremost her best friend. Even though he had hurt her, he deserved at least to be told that she was going to leave or at least a pay phone call or email after she had already gone.

She waited a beat for Freddie to say something or do something other than staring at the floor. She didn't know what she wanted him to do or say exactly but anything that would make her feel like it was safe to apologize without getting hurt.

He looked up and met her eyes; she could feel it. She could feel the silent almost clairvoyant foray into each other's minds beginning to happen.

"Sam, what happened with Carly, the kiss, it –" Freddie started, his words a disjointed jumble as if he was trying too carefully to form the perfect sentence.

There was her name again and Sam couldn't hear anything else. Didn't he see that this was about them and not Carly? He was always the one dragging her into the middle of everything. She could feel the tears burning the back of her eyes. She had enough. She was **not** going to cry over Freddie again. She didn't want to do this anymore. Their days of having complete conversations with just eye contact were over, their days of being best friends were over, and their days of love and trust were over. She started walking away.

Sam's mind screamed at her to keep walking that he just was trying to let her down easy with the news of him and Carly dating, her heart contracted painfully pleading with her to turn around to please go back and listen to what he had to say and to try and salvage their friendship, her spirit whispered hopefully that Freddie wanted to tell her that the kiss meant nothing to him and that he going to come running and stop her from walking out of his life again.

But Freddie did not come after her.

Sam didn't turn around.

She left.

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That's it! I hope you adore it as much as I do. Please take a second and review my labor of love.

Thanks for reading :)

- Sass


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